Echoes

A Frost and Fire universe Story

By Jon Sleeper

Shiloh, Tennessee, April 4, 1862

Peach blossoms rained down upon us. My brother and I were pinned down by Rebel gunfire, our fellow soldiers dying around us. Only by sheer luck neither of us had been hit yet. Though the same couldn't be said for our fellow soldiers of the 58th Missouri Volunteers. The pink blossoms covered us, living and dead, falling silently despite the thunder of thousands of muskets, rifles, revolvers, and artillery. The irony wasn't lost on me, even all those years ago.

My brother and I had joined the fight on the side of the Union, though if not for quick Federal troop movements, Missouri surely would have joined the Confederacy. My brother and I were at best indifferent to which way things went. In our rural viewpoint it hardly mattered if the federal government was in Washington or Richmond. One of the few beliefs we'd shared with our mother and father. We only joined the army because the both of us wanted to get away from our abusive parents.

As twins we were inseparable. We did everything together. And at moment, it appeared we were going to die together. My brother looked at me, wild-eyed with fear. "I'm almost out of ammo, Henry!" He was hugging the ground, looking for any extra cartridge boxes. Leave it to Michael to get the most powerful gun he could, but therefore be one of a kind in our regiment. "I can't find no more powder!" Bullets whizzed above our heads.

I saw a Rebel coming towards us and I got off a shot, getting him in the stomach. The man dropped his musket and crumpled to the ground in a heap, adding to the blood already soaking into the soil from hundreds of other bodies. It was then that I saw that he had the same gun as my brother Michael did. Not all that unusual, considering. I got off another shot from my musket and drew the revolver I'd taken from our dead commanding officer. "I'll go get you some!" I yelled at him, already beginning to crawl.

Michael started yelling something at me, but some artillery started and I never heard a thing. Then in the next instant, pain like Hell had come for me. Then silence everlasting.

But it wasn't the end of all things, nor was it the trip to Heaven or Hell that I expected. It was something else, something both wonderful and horrible. What I saw amazed me. An incredible place, as if I saw the world through a distorted lens. The "landscape" seemed to shimmer and flow, changing with such speed I could barely follow. There was no feeling of having a body. No arms, no legs, no hands nor feet. Not even a face and all that came with it. I merely was. Myself.

I wasn't alone in this place; around me were shining, translucent bubbles of every color in the rainbow and even ones that weren't. The landscape below me was filled with furrows and holes, into which these bubbles would go and vanish in a flash of light.

The shock of knowing what had happened to me was wearing off amazingly fast, and I attempted to try and move around. But there was no way to do so. I was forced to follow whatever current was taking me, like a dandelion seed floating on the wind.

I drifted for a long time, it seemed. I watched the bubbles do their dance, moving in other currents in swirls and eddies; then be pulled down into these openings. They seemed to have no more control over their destinies as I. Which actually made me feel a little better. Whatever force was pulling me wasn't acting on myself alone. Then a bit of chance brought me close to one of the bubbles, and I saw for the first time the ghostly images of people and animals.

I realized I must be looking at what I was, as if in a mirror. Dear God... Is this death? I asked myself. The preacher never told me anything that matches this... Then I realized something. I wonder what's happened to Michael. Is he among these bubbles, too? A question that I thought would never be answered. For in the next moment I found myself pulled towards one of the many thousands of openings, then drawn down into one.

And then I knew no more.

For there was nothing to know. Nothing in my life as a human could've prepared me for what happened next. My mind was blank, and I was in a tightly enclosed space. All I knew at that moment was that I wanted out. Out! My neck was curled against my body, yet I had some freedom of movement. So I used that freedom to thrust my head at this barrier. With every stroke I'd hit harder, and harder. I felt it give a little, eventually. That only made me work more.

I wanted nothing more than to be free of this tiny place! The outside world was calling me, and I could feel some type of presence beyond it. A large, comforting presence. There was now air in the space where I was, so I started to make sounds that amounted to "I'm in here! Get me out!" And then... light. A single crack that I worked out to make larger and wider. Every struggle worked towards that goal.

And eventually I was free.

Mother and Father were really big, and had chests that were a bright red, though Mother was a bit duller than Father; and I had a few nest mates. Mother and Father fed me things that were soft and went down easily, and I eventually got bigger and bigger. My feathers changed, too. Becoming stiffer, longer, more colorful. I'd flap my wings every so often, and feel them try to lift me out of the nest.

One of my nestmates just kinda vanished when I accidentally pushed her out in my zeal to get at the good food Father brought me. She fell out of the Nest and I never saw her again. Though I forgot I ever knew her in a few moments. Food was everything in my little world.

Then came the fateful day. I was nearly as big as Father, though I seemed to lack his coloration. When I preened myself my chest was covered in black and red feathers, rather than his or Mother's deeply red ones. Though I knew one day I'd look exactly like them! I cocked my head, watching him as he'd do twists and turns in the air, flapping his wings, chirping encouragingly.

It took no more encouragement. I simply opened my wings, spread my tail feathers, and took to the sky I was hatched to take.

From then on, my life was my own. I found a mate the next year, settled down with him. I laid eggs, then like Mother taught me, fed my hatchlings with loving care. I even experienced the pride that she must've felt when I first took wing. It was a good life.

But life was nothing if not difficult and dangerous. Often food was scarce or nonexistent. The snows came two more times before, while looking for food to feed my chicks, a shadow from far above plunged me into darkness again.

Once more I found myself in the landscape, flying above it. I now knew what flying was like, and I had something to compare it to. But I found it odd that I was thinking differently here than I was when I had in the Other Place. There was a very simple concept here that shook me to the core of my being. I... Am....

As I drifted in the aircurrents, having discovered that I had no wings or tail feathers to direct my flight, I found I had something so shocking that I reeled under its blow. Memory. Memory beyond my life as a robin. Yes! There was a word associated with it! A human thing. Humans had been so beneath my notice in my last life that I didn't pay them any heed, other than the occasional "small" one that might try to get close to me while I was looking for food.

I had been human, once. Fighting some sort of battle, with a nestmate... No. A brother. And I wondered what had happened to him. I didn't notice my decent into another one of those holes, and I lost all thought and sensation.

A brief twitch of a muscle. Light entered my eyes for the first time. And a mind so simple there was little room for thought. There was only the waters, food, and following the others of my kind to the Sea. Time was meaningless, only food mattered. I was vaguely aware of others in my school vanishing as I got larger. But by some miracle I survived.

Then the Urge came.

There was only a single place where I wanted to go. Home. Where I'd first started, with my schoolmates. To do what we were supposed to do.

Excitement flowed through the school when we first smelled Home. Onward I swam, flexing my fins. The close Home got, the more energetic I felt. By hook or by crook I avoided being caught and eaten by those that were lurking where the waters of Home met the sea where I'd grown up. Though others in my school were not so lucky. I felt my head start to shift and change, my upper jaw becoming hooked and fierce to protect the place where my Mate and I would spawn. As for what would happen after, I didn't know nor did I care.

For this was my Purpose in life.

The trip up the Home river was hard, the current was strong in places; and I hadn't eaten in a long time. Then came a place where the waters fell from Above, and I knew I had to jump. But now there were other dangers that lurked above the Surface. There were large creatures with a shaggy coat of something on their bodies. One swipe of on oddly-shaped fin and yet another one of my schoolmates would be gone. How I avoided them, I didn't know. And I nearly didn't.

In my drive to go Home, I had to make yet another leap out of the water. I did this without thinking, and my eyesight wasn't too good. Out of the water I couldn't sense if something or someone near me by the way the water Felt. I was suddenly caught from behind by a crushing force! A force that, somehow, lost its grip on my slippery skin. I gave my tail a few hard kicks and slapped whatever-it-was in what I hoped was a sensitive place. Then I returned to the water.

The struggle didn't get any easier. But there was soon a feeling of Home in the waters. The changes to my head enabled me to get nearest the females, and when I saw her release her eggs, I too did my Duty.

There was nothing left in my body after that. No energy, no will. Only a sense of complete happiness and satisfaction that buoyed me as my body finally gave out on me. Then the world grew dimmer, quieter. And finally, I could no longer Feel the waters.

It was a familiar place now. This place beyond and between life. A place where the memories of my selves intermingled with one another, forming odd amalgams of events. None of which made a shred of sense. And all I could do was wait until the currents of whatever inexorably drew me towards whatever was in store for me next.

There was nothing quite like fresh grass, I decided. Nope, nothing at all. The way it crunches as it goes down the first time, and the way it tastes when it comes up again later. Mother had told me about this many times. So many times that even I remembered it. And I had to agree with her, wherever she went. Every morning my sisters and I were herded out into the pastures to eat our fill, something I had no qualms about. For there was always food. Even when the grass withered and died when the snows came, the human-friends gave it to us.

They also relieved us of the burdens that we carried. In return for shelter and food, we gave them of the milk that we produced. A very good agreement our Guardian had made, I thought. And as long as the humans didn't tug too hard (I'd give them a warning kick when they did), then I really didn't mind. The relief of pressure cleared the mind for other things.

My personal view of the humans was that they were rather a mystery. I mean, they just couldn't understand plain talk! My sisters understood me, of course. And I shared my insights with them and they with me.

For example: After a full week of thinking about the sky, I came to what must have been some kind of Truth, so I immediately told everyone in the pasture. And they of course replied in kind. The debate immediately followed, of course. Even when we were brought back into the milking place. And the human milking me laughed! I mean, really! How dense can one get? The debate settled itself, eventually. Then I forgot it ever happened.

The pressures of life are many, after all. And one can't be expected to remember everything. Especially as the seasons passed, and I got older. I felt the pressures down below lesson. And I was sick more and more often.

I knew it was coming. One morning, I gave all I could give. Then waited. I had the presence of mind to know that what I'd seen happen to others in the herd was going to happen to me. I couldn't hide my fear as one of the male humans came in to get me. I could even smell a bit of sorrow coming from the one I knew the best. I didn't even try to escape. We walked a distance away from the shelter, I heard a clicking sound and saw his vague form hold up a long stick. And then, a loud noise and darkness.

Even the incredible could get monotonous, I decided. But I resolved one thing while I waited for the currents once again to take me where they willed.

This time, I would not forget.

Unfortunately, this life was something where I didn't want to remember what I had been, or what I really was. For I was now in a tightly enclosed space that had smooth walls. I felt... odd. There were... hmm... one, two, three... four. Five. SIX? Six legs?!

What on God's Green Earth was I this time?

I felt a lot more behind to my behind than I'd ever felt before. Before? There was no "Before", what was I thinking? I realized that just sitting in the Birth Cell was silly, I had a lot of work to do. The Hive was depending on me. I moved my antennae to feel where the top of the cell was, opened my jaws, and started to cut through the wax. The humming of the Hive above me was very comforting and encouraging. The Hive was everything. And without us, the Hive was nothing.

We were Workers. For We were the ones that made things possible. My first job was to help tend the Queen in her egg-laying duties. She would lay an egg, then I would take it and place it in a cell then seal it with wax that I made myself. When I wasn't doing that, I was relieving the incoming Foragers of their burdens, using my tongue to take the sweet nectar they brought in from the outside.

I did this without a thought that things might've been a bit monotonous for any other creature. But not for me. These were things I was born to do! And then game the time of transition. A rare moment when I had nothing to do.

So I just stood there in the Hive, waiting for my next set of instructions to click in. It’s a very hard thing for a bee not to have any work. But I was stuck until the new instincts of a Forager to start working. So I waited. Waited, while the others milled around me in their duties. I fanned my wings in preparation. It was at that very point when Epiphany decided to rear its ugly head.

For in that moment, I remembered everything.

I knew at that point it was the first time I'd been an insect. There were six legs to deal with, not four or two. And the fact that so much of me was behind my legs was for some reason very distressing. Then there was the two antennae sticking out of my head! I could move them about and feel my Hive-mates. And also smell the instruction-scents coming from the Queen.

There was an emptiness inside me that made my wings quiver in shock. It must have been years since Shiloh! And I was in no condition to search for Michael. What can a honeybee do, after all? Except what instinct tells them...me...to do. I was frozen, my body wouldn't do what my mind asked of it. There was just no way to get around the instincts!

It was then that my new set of instructions clicked in. I moved towards the area of the Hive where the Foragers were Dancing. I got as close as I could so I could follow what they were saying. That done, I walked out to the entrance of the Hive for the first time. I didn't think twice as I spread my wings and buzzed off towards the food-place.

My buzzing wings and my tiny size made the trip out very difficult. And now that I had memories of being other things to contend with, I could compare what and how I was seeing though unblinking insect eyes to how a fish, a bird, and even a human might see it. I smelled the food on the winds, and saw others of my kind arriving around me. However, nothing in my human memories compared to the yellow-and-black colors that I saw, in a pattern that I knew pointed to where the nectar was. Without further adieu, I landed and extended my tubular tongue, drinking a bit for myself, but mostly for the Hive. Bits of grainy pollen stuck all over me, and I used my many legs to scrape it into the correct places on my hindmost legs. I visited five flowers in all.

It turned out that there was nothing more satisfying than a job well done! I deposited my load in an empty cell, then did my own Dance. So others might find the food-place even quicker.

But my amazement and confusion never ended. Time passed quickly, and I was forced to concede that there was no way I could ever really gain control over myself. I simply lacked the mental capacity to not follow the instructions that were engraved in my brain. There was nothing to do but get food, store it, dance, get food, store it, dance... Pure monotony that nearly drove me mad.

And then, one day, the Hive opened up. The message-scent flowed through the Hive like lightning as what could only be an INTRUDER ripped the Hive's roof off, and started to remove the honey I'd worked so hard to make! There was smoke in the air, and the others started to gather what honey there was left. While others, myself included, were called upon to defend the Hive.

I knew it was a human, though him or her incredible size boggled my mind. I now knew how bee must have seen me, when I'd once tended the hive that my parents had had on the farm. It'd been a job that neither I nor Michael had liked, as we always got stung at least five times. At the very moment when my own stinger went into the arm of the human, I remembered one watching one of those bees die within minutes.

I felt the end of my abdomen snap and then the world was filled with nothing but pain! Pain that reached a crescendo as I convulsed in shock. Then, release...

Although the next life was short, it was enjoyable up until the last minutes. I ran and pranced and played in the grass with my herdmates, and tried to keep up with mother as we went from one place to another, following the rains and the food. I knew mother both by her scent and the pattern of black and white stripes on her sides. Running was everything to all of us, for it meant survival.

I was perhaps a perfect specimen of a zebra stallion. Though I wasn't very high up in the herd, by the time of my third summer I knew that I'd go far in life. Humans, it seems, had other ideas. What I now know was trophy hunter ended it before I could even make sure my bloodline continued.

And now there was only the waiting. The currents of this strange sea seemed to take me everywhere. I watched thousands upon thousands of bubbles arrive out of nowhere, and then leave just as quickly. All the while I was waiting, pushed from place to place in the endless landscape. I was quickly bored of looking at my memories. Such a variety!

But nobody to share the experience with.

I felt empty, purposeless, wanting. Without Michael, what was the point of remembering? There was none. So, this time, I decided to try the opposite tack. I wanted nothing more than to forget everything I'd ever experienced. Every single shred of memory.

Even Michael's.

The currents did as they'd always done, and delivered me to an opening. With a rushing sound of incredible volume, I was sucked in.

My first awareness was the music. Even in the womb I felt its sounds, and the clicking noises my parents made. And my mother's comforting heartbeat. So when it came time to leave I was not afraid of the world outside. When I was free of mother's body she lifted up to the surface of the waters, and I took my first shuddering breath of salty air. I stroked my little flukes as quickly as I could to keep myself up, and spyhopped, keeping my eyes above water.

The world was made of tossing waves and sparkling water, and I saw huge white mountains of something in the distance. And I felt wonder.

My father's voice came from below the Surface. "Welcome to the world, my son. Now, come along and eat. Your mother is positively bursting."

That early in life there are really no more concerns other than eating and playing. Though our pod was small, I had an older sister that was still young enough that she didn't consider just having fun to be a bad thing. And as the weeks passed, she and I did things away from our parents that would've made them stand on their flukes! Not that we ever told them, of course.

There are just some things to young orcas had to keep to themselves.

As the years passed and my dorsal fin grew taller there came the time for me to choose my own name. The most exciting day in my life so far! The time came during a gathering of about ten other pods. I didn't even pay attention as the other orcas my age announced their names. I was so nervous! There was even one of Orca's Disciples! I didn't know who, but he radiated this totally weird aura of sheer oldness.

I was so nervous I was shaking down to my flukes! Then the Disciple spoke! I nearly jumped out of he water! He said, "Don't be nervous, young fin. Just tell us what your name is."

Orcas have two names in a lifetime. The one their parents give, and the one they choose for themselves when maturity was reached. I really wanted to forget the one mine had given me. So I chose one that I always thought was totally above the Surface! I stopped shaking, surfaced for a breath, then clicked my name for all to hear. "En-ri! My name is En-ri!"

 

 

But that wasn't the greatest surprise of all. When I came back from my ritual solitary seal hunt (very successful, that), the Disciple himself congratulated me! That wasn't so amazing, though, as what he said after. His clicks had a happy tone to them. "Glad to see the bloodline hasn't gotten bad!"

My parents were swimming up behind me, their location-clicks sounding just as happy. I was puzzled, though. "Uh... what do you mean by that, sir?"

The Disciple bobbed his head. "Don't 'sir' me, En-ri. You're one of the family and I won't have it! Besides, I'm not like some of the stuffier humpback Disciples, am I?"

"I... uh. I've nevermetany. Humpbacks, I mean." I sputtered. I pulled myself together a bit. "Mother's been trying to teach me Humpback for about six winters. Haven't picked it up yet." But then, I hadn't really been trying. What was the point? What little I knew all they sung about was things that made no real sense. What were "steamships", for example? And "humans"? The two always seemed to go together.

I got the feeling he was expecting that answer. I also kinda felt funny in the head. Like he was doing something to me. He continued, "Well, perhaps I might understand better than you think. But I'm getting ahead of myself, here. I'd like to talk to your parents, if I may."

I surfaced for a nervous breath and send a single click of agreement. "Yessir." My parents were nearly upon us, anyway.

They congratulated me, of course. I loved them very much, which goes without saying. I just wished they didn't have to say it all the time! They know I love them, don't they? Mother gushed about "how much I'd grown up" to the Disciple, mentioning all sorts of embarrassing things I'd rather have forgotten. I hardly paid attention until Father said something that brought me back to reality. "Darius says you have some untapped potential," he clicked.

Yeah. Right. "So... what do you want me to do about it?"

Darius went on. "Nothing right now. I'll come back in a few years and see how you're doing. Then we'll decide."

I sent a click of "Whatever" and then the meeting ended.

Much to my dismay, as time progressed, I did learn Humpback. Though their Songs I learned that the odd noises I heard were made by the things that humans made. Those "steamships" or "steamers". And I even learned some of their names. Lusitania, Celtic, Mauretania, Kaiser Wilhelm der Grosse, Adriatic and hundreds of others. They spouted black stuff and left things in their wakes that made the water foul. Humans had a Guardian, didn't they? Why wasn't he doing his job?

And then it happened! Something of such horror that when I realized that it had already passed, it was too late to do anything about it! Something that all youngsters hated, no matter if they were a humpback (I'd spoken to several already, under no-hunt terms), beluga, bottlenose, or porpoise. For all I knew even the fish I ate had this problem.

I grew up.

I didn't act nearly so full of myself when Darius next appeared towards where the sun rose. In fact, one might think there was a bit of humility in me. Darius clicked his approval. "I see you've grown, my young great-to-infinity grandson!"

"It happens to all of us, I guess," I replied. "I hope I've lived up to your expectations."

Darius scanned me, the tone of his clickings that were flowing through my body feeling like he knew more than he was telling. I'd finally grown to accept that I'd be told things as I needed to know them. "Come with me," he said in a tone that brooked no opposition. I followed him as he led me away from my small family pod. "I have something I want to ask you, young fin. Something that might be a little strange at first." I clicked my approval. "Do you remember anything about your former lives? Not this life, En-ri, but the ones you've had before you were a whale?"

An odd question indeed. "I can't say I've ever felt anything like that, even in dreams."

"With your permission, I'd like to look into your mind. Just call it a search for 'untapped potential'."

In a society where one could look at another whale's innards and tell if they're lying, honesty is more than the norm. Those that don't learn that untruths are things that are just not done are quickly ostracized and become outcasts. Most often getting themselves killed by humans. Humans with harpoon guns! (Learning Humpback had many uses, including learning the humans words for things. Though how they know was rather a mystery). I sent my agreement, and for a brief moment I felt another mind overlapping mine. A mind with such depth that I was completely blinded by it! But there was also an undercurrent of loneliness that overshadowed all.

Other than that, it was actually rather soothing. He nudged a few parts in my mind that found memories of certain female orcas that I'd gotten to know. I had at least two children by now, but neither of their mothers had found it necessary that I stay. Such was the way of things. My parents were unusual in that they'd stayed together for a long, long time. With my permission he went even deeper into my memories. Past when I'd first met him at my Naming, past where I'd first seen a human steamer belching smoke on the horizon, past when my sister and I had gotten into trouble by daring each other to beach ourselves. Even past where I'd been born, right to where my awareness first awakened in my mother's womb.

And then he hit a block. An impassible barrier that had absolutely no give to it. It merely stood there like the glaciers of Greenland. His kind voice echoed in my mind. [[This is very odd, En-ri. This barrier, you see, is normal. But I've never encountered one so solid before.]]

"What is it, anyway? I never knew it was there."

[[It's the barrier between this life, and your past ones as many different animals. I was hoping I'd be able to glance in and see if you'd perhaps been human at some point in your history. I think I'm going to have to get Orca himself to work at it, with your permission...]]

Curiosity overcame me. "What do you want of me?" I asked the question as he was withdrawing from my mind. "For what possible reason could this be relevant to my current life? I'm an orca, now. I'm not a beluga, or a seagull, or a fish."

We both surfaced for a breath, but Darius didn't come below the Surface. Instead, he spyhopped. I joined him, and saw in the distance out of my left eye the coast of what humans called Newfoundland. And just in sight, out of my other eye, something I rarely saw any more. A quiet sailing ship of immense size all decked out in full sail. It was a sight to behold! Such a ship, unlike the steamers, didn't deafen me with the clanging boom of the whatever was inside of them. But I knew art when I saw it! "That's... that's beautiful!" I clicked with enthusiasm.

There was pride evident in Darius's voice. "The man who designed it for me put his heart into it. And it shows with every rivet and detail in the design of the rigging. Two years of his life. Sometimes I think that humans understand the Sea as least as well as we do."

Then I realized something. "That's the Sothesby! What is it doing here?"

My great-grandfather surprised me yet again. He dipped below the Surface, and sent several strong clicks. From what I felt when they came back they'd made the ship vibrate! I watched in amazement as the sails began to furl, and the ship slow to a stop not a hundred orca lengths away. Darius sent me a pulse that he wanted me back under the Surface. "Tell me, En-ri. What do you think a Disciple does for their Guardian?"

The question caught me off guard. "Mother and Father were never really specific about that... I'd always assumed that you helped Orca with making sure everybody got along with everybody else. The humpbacks I've talked to were very silent about it as well. I think they like to listen to themselves sing more than talk any sense."

The Disciple clicked positively. "That is part of our duties, yes. But you also hit on something not too long ago that not every whale figures out. Humans have a Guardian, same as we do. But you see, he's not doing his job. At least, not consistently.

"You see, humans are very unique among land creatures. They are the only ones that are fully sentient. Although we whales and dolphins have minds very much like theirs, we are limited by our environment. We cannot, for instance, have something like ---." An unknown word.

"What's that?"

"Too hard to explain right now. Though you might understand later. Our other limitation is we don't have --" another word I didn't know, "to manipulate things and make tools."

"That's pure gibberish to me," I admitted. "But I get the idea. Orca sends his Disciples to help things along where Ape should be working instead." But something didn't feel right. "Wait... That would mean you'd have to go up on land! That's impossible!"

Darius released some bubbles from his blowhole as we surfaced again. He then started towards the ship close by. "Come with me, young fin, and I'll show you what 'impossible' is." He was off towards the waiting sailing ship with a few quick flicks of his flukes. I could only follow. On the way I noticed that something had been dropped over the side.

As we got closer, I began to feel a kind of indescribable presence in the water. Then, to my sound-based Sight, the form of a huge orca appeared. His voiced boomed both in my skull and through the water. ["The impossible is always that way until you've done it so much that it becomes commonplace. Though I hope you won't feel that way for a long time to come."]

"Um... uh... I..." I felt like a small fin again! My Guardian was waiting for me to say something, and I was completely speechless! I even kept myself from sending bursts of sound-Sight, for I didn't want to learn things I knew were none of my business.

"Stop that! I hate it when my Children won't even look at me! I'm not a God, En-ri. Far from it. Think of me as somebody who just has a bit more responsibility than most, so I am able to do more than the average whale." His tone of voice changed, and I knew he was going to ask something of me. "As you may have figured out already, I can't be in several places at once. Some Guardians can, but I'm not one of them. Therefore, I need others to do my work for me. Like Darius, here. And, if you'll agree, like you."

I was so overcome with humility all I could blurt was a startled, "Me?!"

He clicked his affirmation. "Three of my Disciples have decided to retire. And since this is volunteer-based only, I had to let them go. So shall it be with you, when you decide to retire. If you decide you want to take the job, that is."

"If I do, what would be my task, exactly?"

"Simple, actually. Since Ape, the humans' Guardian, isn't yet acting his age, we do our best to do his job for him."

"Isn't that a little impossible to do? They're landwalkers, and we die if we get out of the water."

Orca suddenly felt frustrated. "There's that word again! Just float there and watch, young fin, and I'll show you what 'impossible' is!" He started to glow, giving of waves sound that made him seem to "glow" in my Sight, and in my light-based sight. He was shrinking! Two small protrusions appeared out of his sides, while his tail shrunk and flukes started to vanish. His flippers thinned, and the ends separated into separate parts. Five of them. His dorsal fin vanished into his back.

When he was finished, there was a human in the water with me. But the human still felt like Orca! He didn't look like he was having an easy time swimming. I could hear him coughing and sputtering as the many small waves pulled at him. He spoke directly into my mind. [[So now you see, En-ri, that nothing is impossible! It's just not always comfortable!]] He changed back in a flash of blue light. "So the choice is yours, my Child. Will you join us?"

The decision didn't take nearly as long as I thought. I was ever curious about the world above the waves, after all. And as long as I had the ability to rejoin my true people, why not? "What's next?" I asked enthusiastically.

"Good lad!" Darius said. "I knew you were one of us!" He swam towards the ship, where something had been lowered into the water. It was a wide, open-mesh platform. When Darius got near it, there was another flash and he was in some sort of half orca, half human shape. "I'll wait for you both up here!" He actually got out of the water!

Orca chuckled. "One would almost think you a young fin again, Darius. But on with the work ahead." Orca turned to face me. "A while back Darius searched your mind for potential human past lives. He did find at least one, but he also found some sort of block. You see, what I normally do to speed things along is reactivate a potential Disciple's humanity. So therefore I don't have to teach so much about human society before being able to release you into it to do my Tasks."

I considered my choices for a moment. "If it smoothes things over, then go ahead. I have nothing to hide." I did what I thought might help Orca the most.

"Not necessary, En-ri. Just clear your mind of all thought. Think of nothing. I will do the rest."

I did as he told me, and felt his mind settle over mine. I marveled at the depth of his wisdom! Fifty million years! He'd experimented endlessly, with many different sizes and kinds of whale. And he still wasn't satisfied! For most of his current Children were sentient, he was still on a quest for perfection. But that wasn't his only purpose in life.

He and Ape were very close. And when Ape looked up into the sky and wondered what was there, Orca finally noticed the stars that shone at night. He wondered what they were, and knew that only humans could satisfy that hunger for knowledge. I heard his voice in my mind, [[It's a whole other Sea, En-ri. One so vast that this world is nothing in comparison. Perhaps less than nothing. I intend to help humans explore that Sea, and we shall go with them. It'd be only natural, after all.]]

He was very gentle in his search. He left no reef in my mind untouched by his gentle sound-sight. All seemed to be going well, until I felt him stopped short with such force that I nearly blacked out. [[I apologize for that,]] he said, [[But you have a block here to your past lives that's so strong that I can't break through it. At least, not without shattering your mind.]]

"Can you remove it another way?" I asked.

[[Afraid not. You see, this kind of block can only be removed by the one who placed it there.]]

"And who did that?" I was beginning to wonder, now.

[[You did.]] When I didn't answer, he continued. [[I can sense in a general sort of way what you once were, including a strong human component to your sense of Self. But there's also something associated with that humanity that for some reason you want to forget. I also sense that you had no lives before you were human. You're a very young Soul, En-ri.]]

"Does this mean I can't join your Disciples?"

[[By no means! It simply makes things a lot harder in the beginning. But you should also consider removing the barrier to your human Self once you've learned how to use some of the Abilities I'm about to give you. But only you alone can make this decision. Because you may not like what you discover.]]

I didn't like it right now, really. I would deal with this little problem in my own good time. If ever. "So, what first?" I was anxious to get on with it! Little did I know the trouble it would cause at first.

[[First swim over near the platform. And be quiet. There's a little ceremony I have to perform.]] He went for a breath, clearing his breathing passages. [[By the power vested in me by my Mother, and by the virtue of what I am, I bestow upon you the powers of being one of my Disciples. And all the responsibilities associated with those powers. Do you, En-ri of the orcas, accept this responsibility, and the consequences if you misuse your Abilities?]]

I could never have known that what I was about to do would give me such problems. But my next words would change me, for good or for bad. "I accept." The moment I said it, I felt a chill flow across my body. The world grew around me, and my Sight diminished to nothing. The next thing I really knew was being lifted bodily out of the Water, then there was a whirring sound. All I wanted to do was block the messages that were bombarding my brain! It felt unnatural! But there was nothing I could do about it.

I have no idea how long I lay where they placed me, inside a large room in the bottom of the ship. I wasn't in any condition for any conscious thought. I didn't sleep very much, for it was a different kind of sleep than what I'd known before. I'd dream about odd things. In one dream I was struggling up a river, avoiding large things that had fur all over. In another, the land around me was wide with an expanse of greeness. I'd drop my head and graze upon it, the taste fresh and sweet in my mouth.

Sometimes I heard the voice of Orca and Darius above me. Their speech sounding slow and deep. "Do you think he'll ever come out of it, Orca?" Darius said, concern plain in his voice. Orca replied, "It'll just take a little while longer. Look, he's responding to our speech. That's a good sign. I won't have to teach him how to talk, I don't think."

"That would take more than a few years. And we need him now."

"I know, my son. But have patience. Time heals all wounds."

The dreams continued. And they only got worse. There was one that was so vivid, it felt more like a memory. I was being shaken! A pair of hands gripping me so hard that it hurt! I heard an angry voice. "Git up, ya useless thing! Y've got yer chores t'do!" I was slapped across the face. "Git up!"

"I'm up, Father! I'm up! Gawddamit!" The sound of my own voice startled me.

I was slapped across the face. "Don't take the Lord's name in vain, boy! Git up and git goin'! Yer brother, too!" I was lifted bodily out of bed, and shoved in front of a basin. My brother was given the same sort of treatment. I knew that my parents would go back to bed once he and I were set getting things done. Water was splashed on my face...

...and I awoke. The dream was gone as quickly as it came, and I remembered nothing at all. But I was up, and standing on my own two legs. A mirror right in front of me. I stared at the face that was staring back at me. The long, thin stuff on my head was black in color, and my skin was somewhat dark in complexion. I looked at myself as closely in the mirror as I dared, straining to see any sign of my orca-ness in my features. And I saw a slightly lighter color to my skin on my lower jaw, and on the sides of my head just in front and above of... what were those?

"They're called 'ears'," came a female-sounding voice from behind.

There were certain other factors to deal with that I didn't expect. The changing angle of the... I didn't have the word for it. But it's sudden angle made me fall to the hard surface painfully. "OUCH!" My first human word. I wish it had been a better one.

I was lifted onto my... yet another word. But they seemed to hold me up. "Those are called feet, En-ri. And they're attached to your legs." The ground pitched again, this time violently. "You picked a kind of bad time to wake up, you know. There's a storm coming in and we've 'battened down the hatches', as they say."

I walked on unsteady legs with her helping me. I finally saw her when I let myself down on the soft surface. Then I finally got a look at her.

She probably wasn't pretty for a human. Very thin, with huge bulges next to her flippers (?). Very pale, with small, dainty "feet" and long "legs". The stuff on her head was a shiny white in color. And she had a very expressive face. The corners of her mouth turned upward. "I see Orca was right when he said you didn't know anything about humans. As for myself, the last time I was human some of my last words were something like 'let them eat cake!', then they cut my head off. Very unpleasant. Perhaps this time I can make up for the mistakes that I made."

"What were you, before?" I garbled and slurred some words, unused to having air come out my mouth. My lips were much more flexible than before, too.

"In reality, I'm a beluga. Which is why my skin is so white. You'll notice that most of us have some sort of outward sign of what we really are. Look at yourself, for instance. Your skin tones are a bit different where they would be as your orca self." She looked at her flippers.

"What is it like having flippers like that?" I asked. The ship pitched again.

"'Flippers?' Perhaps while this storm is so strong that neither of us can move around, I should give you a vocabulary lesson..."

The new vocabulary was perhaps the easiest thing to learn. I found human language extremely simple and very easy to get a hold of. As time passed, I even expanded my abilities to languages like French and German. Language was naturally a very fluid thing to me, so I had no problems and learned with the normal speed of a whale-made-human. But it was the thing known as "writing" that really "got my goat", as humans sometimes say. My teacher, who had the musical voice of a humpback, seemed to think the whole concept was so simple anybody would know what it was. Not me, unfortunately. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

He was a large black man with a booming voice that one paid attention to, or else. He was going bald, and his hair had gone a stark white. It looked like his head was frosted around the edges. I'd been told that male humans sometimes lose their hair when they got older; and I'd actually grown rather attached to mine. I was young yet, but I hoped that wouldn't happen to me.

My teacher (who hadn't even told me his name yet) seemed to look down at me though his glasses. "THIS is a capital 'A'. The next letter will be a 'B', then..."

"I still don't understand what you're doing," I interrupted. "What possible purpose can this serve? It's just meaningless markings on a hard surface."

That seemed to frustrate him. "THIS, young fin, is how humans have gotten as far as they have! It's called 'literature' and one can find great insights into humans in this way. It will bring you up to date on the way humans are currently, and not the way they were when you were last one of them..."

I sighed. "Sir, I thought you knew. I can't remember being human. So you need to be very specific as to why I have to do this..."

His face went red with what I knew was anger. He was so serious about both himself and his subject, I reasoned he was definitely a humpback. They took most things, especially themselves, very seriously at times. And sometimes, overly so. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath. Then a voice came from the door behind me. "Take a break, Charles," came the calm voice of Darius. "You two have been in here all day. I think you need to change back to your trueform for a while and think things over."

Charles let his breath out slowly in the presence of Orca's most favored Disciple. Silently, he left the room by slipping past Darius standing in the doorway, momentarily glaring at him. Then we both heard a huge splash as he changed forms when he leapt from the ship. Darius sat down at a desk next to me. He smiled, what I now knew was a encouraging expression. "So, how's school going?"

I sighed and dropped my pencil. "I never knew human society was this complex! And now I've got this 'writing' thing to learn..."

He laughed softly. "I've been around humans for a few hundred years and they still seem strange to me! It doesn't matter that I was human at some point in the past. Because what dominates most is what you were born as in this lifetime." He stood up again. "Perhaps you need some fresh air. We need to talk a bit, anyway."

I stood up, then we went outside to stand near the mainmast. The fresh salt air invigorated me, and I felt renewed. I looked at the rolling waves sparkling in the late afternoon sunlight a bit wistfully. Darius knew what I was thinking. "You can change back whenever you feel like it, you know."

"I know," I replied. "But I want to see this through before I go back home, into the water. I'm afraid if I break this roll I'm on I won't be able to get out of the Sea again."

"I understand," he reassured. "We've been out here a few months now. Long enough for you to get over some of the odder things about humans. This is why we're going to go into port for a few days."

I blinked. "Already?"

Darius nodded. "I will not be with you, myself. While we're in port you'll be given your first minor Task."

I blinked again, shocked. "And... that would be..?" I asked nervously.

"I simply want you and Lana, your beluga counterpart, to go into the city and purchase a few things at a local general store. Nothing major." He sounded like he had all the confidence in me in the world.

I swallowed a lump that had suddenly come up in my throat. The collar on my shirt felt too tight, and I felt queasy to my stomach. "Uh... Perhaps I should spend some time with flukes again."

"Good idea."

 

 

Time passed, and the ship moved eastward towards the land. I stood in the bow as the great sailing ship found its way into the port of Southampton. I was surprised and disappointed to find that there were few sailing vessels. I noted about four or five other ships like ours, but they were far less numerous than the steamers that seemed to be everywhere. Somebody walked up behind me. I could tell it was Orca instantly. "Windjammers are becoming steadily less common on the sea lanes," Orca said sadly. "Steam has nearly surpassed sail as the fastest and cheapest way to move people and products. I fear that sailing a ship like this one will be a lost art within half a century."

I'd gotten to know him better as the weeks passed. He didn't think of himself as anything but a normal whale with a few more responsibilities than most. He was very easy to talk to and I saw why the other Disciples loved him so much. He was like a father to everyone.

Looking out at the mouth of the River Test that we were fast approaching, I saw a one of the huge liners that I'd caught glimpses of as an orca moving towards the open sea, black smoke pouring from the four stacks and blown quickly away by the wind. I knew that outline, even if I didn't know how to read. "That's the Mauretania, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes, good call. She and the Lusitania look a lot alike," Orca replied. "One of the most opulent and largest steamers afloat. Though that will soon change. The White Star Line will soon have three new ships that will far surpass them. Shipbuilder magazine has called the designs 'virtually unsinkable'. And I'm sorry to say that the general public believes it. Olympic will make her maiden voyage next month, and Titanic will be launched by the middle of the year. The third one is to be called Gigantic, and will surely surpass them all."

I looked at the sight, the cold winter wind pulling at my warm coat. "That sounds a trifle arrogant, to me," I said.

He sighed sadly. "I'm afraid I've gotten wind of Mother planning something. I think it has something to do with one of those ships. I'm thinking of doing something to prevent unnecessary deaths. My worry right now is that I won't have anybody to send on this particular Task, as the others are on equally important ones. Darius is thinking of retiring for good."

"Why is that?" I blinked in surprise.

"He's been burning the candle at both ends for quite a while, Henry." Orca used my human name. It was very close to my orca one. And it felt perfect for me for some reason. He continued, "For over three hundred years, in fact. It's been about nine years since I gave him a major Task. He's spent most of that time looking for who might become his replacement if he decides to retire. That person might be you, Henry. But this particular Task is so important I may have to do something I don't like. Call him and perhaps force him into doing this. I don't want to do that. But I will if I have to. I need his experience."

Nothing more was said as the sails were furled and the tugboats finished the job of putting the Sothesby at her berth. Lana appeared out of the decks down below, dressed in the colors of a "middle-class" woman. "You should get dressed, husband," she said in a satisfied voice, "you aren't presentable looking like that."

I looked around to see who she was talking to, only to realize that she was speaking to me. I knew about the human tradition of marriage. It was one of their peculiarities that still mystified me. I pulled at the coat I was wearing. "What's wrong with it?" I asked, a bit indignant.

Orca laughed. "It's not your clothing, my son. It's that over the past few minutes you've begun looking more and more like your true self. Go have a look in a mirror and I'll be along in a moment."

I shrugged and went to the nearest bathroom (called a "head" on ships), and found that Orca was right. The texture and color pattern of my skin was totally orca. I had no hair, and my hands and feet were webbed. There was also a small lump on my back that was a tiny dorsal fin. My face had pushed out into a blunt muzzle with my nostrils visibly moving up my forehead. "How did that happen?" I said in a strained voice that was somewhere between human and whale.

"Congratulations, Henry," came Orca's voice from behind. "I was wondering when you'd stumble on the hybrid form. I normally have to teach my Disciples how to find it. But now that you've done it on your own you should be able to find it again."

I looked at my black, webbed hands. "What made this happen to me?"

"Very simple. Lana made you feel uncomfortable so you instinctively started to change back into the form in which you are most familiar."

"But what happens if I'm on this Task and I change like this?" The changes completed. I had a foot-tall dorsal fin that had ripped out of my shirt. I'd thrown off my jacket just in time. The rest of my clothing felt uncomfortably tight as well.

Orca, who'd changed forms to look a lot like me, laughed again. "Don't worry. I think you'll be surprised. But first, let's see if we can't get you to change back..."

The worst thing about the Task was that I knew I'd probably disappointed Orca almost as soon as I stepped off the ship. But apparently contingency plans had been made for this sort of thing. I unbuttoned a slit in the back of my coat, letting my dorsal fin out. We were stuck in a dark alley close by when I finally lost it. Lana, of course, was calm and cool. "Come on, Henry. We can't stay here all day."

I stared at the crowd moving just beyond the open end of the alley. "I can't go out there like this! I'll cause a panic!"

Lana shook her head. "You sure are stubborn for an orca. Here, I'll show you." She glowed blue for a moment as she changed into her own hybrid form. Even in that shape she had a large bulging melon that could change shape as one watched. "Look at this," she said/clicked. Then she left the alley and vanished into the crowd.

I was left standing there, staring, until she came back and resumed human form. "People see what they expect to see, Henry. They don't see me as I am, they only see a beautiful human woman going about her business on a cold winter morning. Nothing special. The only drawback to this particular Ability is that should anybody touch you they could tell that you aren't as you seem to be. So I therefore think that you should make an effort to change back."

Her demonstration gave me pause for thought. I struggled with it for at least a half hour while Lana waited, perhaps a trifle impatiently. But eventually humanity returned to my features. "Let's get this over with..." I said.

When we finally found the shop, I stuttered and stumbled over words. The shopkeeper saying little, merely staring at me as if I was out of my mind. Which wouldn't have been so far from the truth! "I... uh... need a few things." I said in a timid voice.

"And what would those be, young man?" The shopkeeper had a handlebar mustache and was wearing a bow tie and a white apron. "We're here t' serve, don't ya know."

It took at least five minutes just to get the items I'd memorized in my head. But I eventually got my pound of butter, my loaf of bread, my can of green beans, and my small wheel of cheddar cheese. "T-t-thank you, sir!"

I'd obviously frustrated him a hell of a lot. He frowned as the register rung up the total. "That'll be three and six pence." I handed him the money. "And next time, keep your list straight." He turned to Lana. "And how my I help you, my lovely lady?"

Surprisingly Lana seemed to have almost as much trouble. She treated the man like he was less than nothing, seeming to look down her nose at him. Eventually, the shopkeeper got fed up with Lana's treatment. "Madam, you might be able to treat people like this wherever you come from, but not here in Southampton. So if you would take to take your business elsewhere?"

A look of shock crossed Lana's face, and she realized she'd made a mistake. But she didn't back down right away. "Well, I'm going to get this kind of treatment then I will go elsewhere! Good day, sir!" She left the shop in a huff.

The man shook his head and looked at me. "Quite the shrew, she is. How do you deal with her?"

"Very carefully," I replied. Then I quickly thanked the man and left the shop, then looked around for Lana. But she was nowhere to be seen! The crowd was so thick and she was so fast I couldn't tell which way she had gone. But I wasn't about to return to the ship without her. So I started searching.

For hours I walked the streets of Southampton, and in the process, discovered things about humans that I never knew existed. In the dockside areas, I found the pubs that Darius had so often spoken of. It was nearby one of those places where I first heard something that shocked me to the core. Humans singing. For some reason that was one of the things that'd been left out of my education about them. Sure, it wasn't very good singing, but there was an enthusiasm in the voices that made me smile. I reluctantly moved on.

The pubs, warehouses and tenement buildings (where laundry hung to dry above me) gave way to smaller structures with stone chimneys and steeply sloped roofs. Houses. It was then I heard the second most shocking thing of my life. It sounded like singing, and taken as such had a very profound meaning. But the tone and quality of the notes was like nothing I ever heard. I followed the sounds to the source, and found yet another mysterious yet wonderful thing about humans. They could make music without needing to use their voices.

The female was sitting, her nimble fingers moving over a narrow shelf of white and black keys. The sounds came out of the box that was a part of the contraption. I was so captivated by the music I nearly forgot what I was doing, and hastened to find Lana before dark.

I heard her crying, first. No human made those kinds of sounds. But no whale did, either. I dropped my purchase and ran for the source of the sound, and found Lana, in her odd-looking hybrid shape, curled up near the end of an alley. Cautiously, I walked towards her. "Lana? Are you okay?" No response. "Lana?"

She suddenly sprang to her feet and grabbed me around my neck, her sobbing renewed. "Please, Henry! I don't want to be her again! She's an arrogant, childish, spoiled princess! And I don't want to be her again!" She nearly choked me.

"Be who again?" I asked.

"Marie Antoinette! You wouldn't know about her. But from the moment Orca reawakened her inside me she's symbolized everything I hate about humans! I want to go home... I can't take this!"

I couldn't resist just putting my arms around her. And for the first time I consciously shifted to my hybrid form, my clothing somehow changing to fit my increased size. "You're nothing like that now," I clicked. There were nuances in the cetacean language that humans sadly lacked.

There were tears flowing down her white-skinned face. She certainly wasn't pretty by human standards in that form, but to me she looked just fine. Even for a beluga. "You really think so?" she asked, her tears slowing.

"I've lived with you for two months, Lana. I know you better than anybody else on the ship. You're nothing like this human you used to be. You finally got me talking again, after all." I cradled her in my arms. Any human who saw us as we were probably would've screamed and ran off. "Since when does a bratty princess help a lowly orca out of his stupor?"

She sighed. "You might be right. But how can I be sure I won't backslide again?"

"Perhaps we can figure it out together, back at the ship. We don't have much time, you know. They're leaving on the evening tide."

"Oh! That's right! We'd better get moving." She resumed human form and stood up, brushing the dirt off her dress. "We don't want them to leave without us, after all." She wiped her face with a handkerchief, blowing her nose. "Let's go before I break down again."

I changed back and we started off, going a shorter route this time back to the docks. On the way there we passed many more of the narrow houses that were steadily becoming less visible in the thickening fog and growing darkness. We walked arm-in-arm towards the docks, and happened upon a woman at the edge of her fence, looking down the street with a hopeful look on her face. We walked by her for some distance, Lana looking backward every so often. Then suddenly she pulled us both into an alley between two houses. "What are you doing?" I asked, perplexed.

"Just wait a minute," she replied. "That woman over there is waiting for somebody. She's not dressed for this cold. So it must be somebody important..." She trailed off as we both heard whistling coming from the direction we'd been walking. It got steadily louder, and then the figure passed by our hiding place without noticing us. She kept her hand over my mouth. "Let's watch," she whispered. "I want you to see this."

Thinking that perhaps this might be some sort of human custom I should pay attention to, I did my best to remain unseen by the humans down the street. The woman was barely visible in the fog, looking like a blur of white and brown. The sound of the whistling must've been dampened by the fog, I reasoned. But when the man got within a certain distance of the house, the blur of the woman seemed to take notice. She seemed to strain her ears towards the melodic sound. Then a decision was made, and she dashed towards the man, grabbing him around the shoulders and making him drop his shovel to the street with a clatter.

In the fog, we seemed to be the only people in the area. Though a moment or so later we heard more footfalls from others. And I realized that this was a man coming home from a long day at work. The man smelled of coal, and his face was blackened with the dust. "He's probably a stoker," Lana whispered. "They don't make much money, but his wife must do something to enable them to at least rent the house. She probably hasn't seen him in two weeks."

We both heard an excited chorus of "Poppa!" as we saw two small figures dash out of the house and bowl over their father. Two little girls, it looked like.

It was a scene that would be imprinted on my mind as long as I lived. I unconsciously hugged Lana closer to me. "I think we'd better let these people alone," I said quietly. "I feel like I'm intruding on their privacy."

She didn't say anything, and merely pulled on my sleeve for me to follow.

The fog only got thicker, and with it the world seemed to contract to only the buildings right beside us, and we ourselves as we walked down towards the docks. The only way we could tell we were going in the right direction was the gaslights that glowed along the route. With the air so calm, it seemed to take forever. We heard muffled sounds from inside the houses and tenements. Lana sighed.

Then we arrived at the quay where the Sothesby was supposed to be docked. She was nowhere to be seen. "This fog isn't that thick!" Lana exclaimed.

"They must've put to sea before the fog came in," I said. "Now what do we do?"

I could see her smiling, even in the dark. "We swim for it."

The she unceremoniously pushed me into the cold waters of the river.

The shock of cold water was only momentary, as I instinctively changed to my natural form. Lana joined me a minute or so later. "What did you do that for?" I spluttered indignantly.

"Oh, no reason. The fog should help us, too. Nothing's moving in it, so we should have no problems getting out of the harbor."

"Good idea," I clicked. She had a point. "Let's get out of here before the fog lifts and we have those huge propellers to worry about." We flexed our flukes and were off.

Lana became more and more nervous as we approached where the ship had anchored for the night outside the harbor, awaiting the morning tide. Eventually, about a half mile from the ship, she stopped completely. "I don't know if I can face him..."

"Why?"

"I failed the test, Henry. I'll probably be sent back to my pod in disgrace. I probably deserve it..."

"Don't say that! Orca's a very understanding Guardian. I'm sure he won't wash you out just because of one test failure."

She surfaced and took a sighing breath. "You're probably right. But I'm still scared out of my flukes."

"You're not alone. I failed too, remember? I could barely get the words out of my mouth! And I don't even have the items I bought to show for it..."

"I didn't even get that far..."

Orca's Presence filled the water before I could continue, and his voice boomed out of the depths. "Stop all this brooding, you two! Neither of you failed! It was merely a personality test." He materialized fully and scanned Lana. "Yes, you used to be Marie Antoinette. But that particular lifetime of yours was an aberration on your larger personality. Look deeply into yourself, and you'll see what I mean."

"Well, what about him?" Lana exclaimed, spraying me with Sight-waves. "He hasn't even opened his own memories yet!"

I opened my mouth and clicked my surprise. What did that have to do with anything? I'd do it when I was ready, and not before. But then Orca gave me a very penetrating look. "Lana has a point. You, Henry, need to reconsider opening that door in your mind. It would smoothen things in your transition to working for me."

I surfaced and looked at the Sothesby, riding at anchor and awaiting the morning tide. The fog was nearly nonexistent, here. The moon was but a sliver, and the water was a dead calm except for the ripples I made when I breached the surface. The ship was nearly dark but for a few small navigation lights that reflected off the surface in long trails. It was an image that demanded I think about Orca's suggestion. I dove back down, looking at the stars from under the water, and sent my Guardian my decision. "I'll sleep on it."

And sleep I did, on the ship. I'd somewhat gotten used to the odd sleep of humans, and their dreams. But nothing prepared me for the images that flashed across my mind when I reluctantly opened the door I never knew was there.

In my dream, a pair of familiar hands shook me awake. "Git up, Henry!"

I groaned and blinked at my brother's silhouette. "C'mon, Mikey. The rooster ain't even crowed yet..." I started to drift off again, until I thought I heard something. "Say that again?"

"I said, I think I may have a way to git us offa this farm!" Even in the near-total darkness I could see his wide smile. When I just stared at him, he continued. "We'll join the army! When father sent me into town yesterday I heard that they'll calling up a regiment of volunteers to fight against the Rebels!"

"Are you crazy? We could get killed!"

"I'd rather die with my boots on and a gun in my hand then being beaten by father! Let's get outa here!" He quietly threw off the sheets and started to pull me out of bed.

I'd always done what Michael wanted me to do. I'd always been a bit clumsy, and Michael had always helped me do things right from the time we were little. So I did things for him out of habit (and perhaps love). And so, we went.

And I died.

But what happened to him?

I didn't cry. This was beyond tears. I only felt a sense of loss that gnawed at me all the way to the bone. When I didn't get out of bed Orca came and saw me. "So it's finally happened. Do you want to talk about it?"

"What for? There's nothing I can do to find him. For all I know he's a cockroach. I guess I just have to live with it..."

"We all carry burdens, Henry. But you're not alone. Most of my other Disciples have things they don't want to remember. I've Called them here. Perhaps you all should talk."

I reluctantly rolled out of bed, sighing deeply. "It certainly can't hurt any more than it does."

I was most certainly wrong, of course. Talking about it only seemed to magnify everything all out of proportion. "I really wonder what he is, now... I've been a few things in my soul-life that I haven't liked very much, or only lived a very short time. I just hope he's enjoying himself." I looked around at the room, once again amazed at the care put into the details of the finishing. "At least as happy at the one who designed this ship."

Darius was even here, taking a short time out of his retirement to come talk with the rest of us. "You're one hundred percent right on that account, Henry. I've never met a human with more love of the Sea. And if I have my way, you two will meet each other."

I looked back at my great-grandfather. "What do you mean?"

"You now remember your human past, but you are still a whale at heart. So in three months or so I'll be sending you to work for the company that built this ship. It's in a small Welsh town that I've never been able to remember the name of even after over two hundred years. We use it as a kind of 'University' of sorts to get you used to your Abilities, as well as to get used to being around humans. Things have changed in forty nine years, Henry."

"So I've seen," I remarked, remembering the "holier than thou" attitudes of some of the wealthier people I'd met. Technology had grown astronomically. Not only were there larger trains, but something called a "automobile" or "horseless carriage". "What happens after my time at the University?"

Charles, my humpback teacher, replied, "You get a year or so with your family before your first real Task. You must also remember that you're immortal, now. Your family will grow old and die, while you will remain at what age you are now. Though even that is changeable with the right effort." He closes his eyes and the years seemed to melt off of him. He looked like a teenager. "See?"

"I do see."

He changed back to his familiar human form. "Mind over matter, Henry. We aren't even constrained to remain as the whale species we were born as. You can become a bottlenose, a narwhal, or even a beluga like Lana, there."

Lana blinked. "And I can do the same things as he?"

"Of course," Darius replied. "We're a group of equals, after all. The only thing Orca does that annoys me is that he tends to send only one of us on a particular Task when it could be more quickly completed with a team. He can be stubborn when he wants to, that's for sure." That got a quiet laugh from the twelve of us in the room. Orca had his quirks; but then, who didn't? Darius smiled. "So, Henry. What do you want to do next?" he said.

In our discussions we'd ranged through many subjects. Including human music. I'd seen that female human playing some kind of musical instrument. It was a fascinating and magical thing for me, even though I now remembered being human. I smiled and sipped some fruit juice from a glass. "I think there's a couple things, actually." I looked at Charles. "I think I want to learn to read and write. I never did when I was human, really. But I also want to learn how to play the piano."

 

 

The Sothesby left Southampton for points west that day. On the way, Orca activated a few more Abilities. We stopped in Greenland to spend some time with Lana's pod. "You look good in white," she remarked.

I was a bit uncomfortable with both the smaller size, and the bulging melon. But it really wasn't all that different. I was more maneuverable, certainly. I found that amazing because I had no real dorsal fin. Lana's pod was just as nice as the orca ones I was used to. "This isn't too bad. No, not bad at all."

"I'm glad you like it. I'm looking forward to trying out an orca, myself. I've always wondered what makes you Big Ones tick."

She liked being an orca just as much as I liked being a beluga.

Afterwards we headed back east, then southward. Following the natural oceanic currents. Lana and I were now further south than either of us had ever been. It was very warm. Warm enough to make me sweat! I spent a lot of time in the water, trying out one of the smaller porpoise forms, using the bow wave the ship made to lessen the effort of my swimming. It was great fun! Lana liked it just as well.

All through the trip, Orca was deep in thought. He had thirty Disciples, all with important Tasks. "I think I'm going to have to invest certain others who are qualified with certain limited Abilities. This next Task I'm planning is going to take quite a few... But I'm sorry to say that neither of you are suitable for it."

"Oh? Why?" Lana asked.

"For one, you're very new. I have a Disciple candidate in mind that won't need your training period."

"Then why did you take the two of us in, then?"

"I don't have to explain everything I do, do I?" Orca replied a bit steely. "Let's just say that I think I can fill the void in Darius's life. The humpback I have in mind is just who I'm looking for."

I couldn't help but laugh. Something very natural, since at that particular moment I'd taken the form of a bottlenose. "One could almost accuse of matchmaking, Orca!"

He actually Felt a little embarrassed. "Well... that and the fact that she can do something that nobody else can. She can bond with inanimate objects. Something that may buy us precious time. You two will have a role in this Task, anyway."

"Glad to know we won't be left out completely." Lana said. She was in the form of a spotted dolphin. They didn't seem to be as lighthearted as bottlenoses were.

"Don't get angry at me, Lana. I have my reasons, and I've told you more than you really need to know. Don't push me further. I'll Call you both when you're needed." He vanished.

A new voice came from just beyond a reef. The Sothesby had dropped anchor in the Bahamas, a place where bottlenoses abounded. But the tone of this voice was weird even for a bottlenose. "Heya dudes! Whassup?"

"And you are?" I clicked in the direction of the new arrival.

"That name's 'Bottle', and I think Orca's been looking for me..."

On cue, Orca reappeared. "Where have you been? I sent out the Call hours ago!"

"Don't get your tail in a knot, Orca. I was a bit preoccupied with a certain acquaintance of mine... she wouldn't let me go. If you know what I mean." Bottle winked in the human manner.

Surprisingly, Orca laughed a bit. "I think I can understand. Just don't do that to me again. In any case, I have a little Task for you."

Bottle sighed. "I hope it's not blowing up more whaling ships."

Orca sounded apologetic. "I'm sorry I had to assign you that one. But you were closest to the place at the time. This Task might suit you better. And you won't be alone this time..." Orca's expression changed, and I knew he was conversing with Bottle mind-to-mind. "Understand?"

The bottlenose thought for a moment. "I'm honored, master. And I'll be happy to do it. Who else is working on this job?"

"Darius, and a humpback whom I'm about to Call. I plan to get the two of them on the ball in the next week or so."

"Darius? I thought he retired..." Orca started to say something, but Bottle continued. "Knowing him, though, he's more bored than anything. I'm sure he won't mind the reinstatement. Can you tell me any details about the humpback?"

"Only that she's not expecting me to Call her. Her human name will be Emily O'Donnell. As for right now, I'm sending you with these two trainees to the University to show them the ropes. Emily should be along in the next few weeks. As for now, this is Henry and Lana."

We greeted each other appropriately for dolphins, then boarded the ship. Once in human form, Orca had once last announcement to make. In his hands he held two pieces of jewelry. I recognized this. For around the necks of the other Disciples, I'd noticed they wore pendants that signified their exact species. Hanging from his left hand he held a pendant made from white alabaster, a beluga; and hanging from his right hand was an opal that had the coloration and shape of an orca. Bottle was smiling, of course. But he had a tear in his eye. Orca smiled. "You two have come far since I Called you. And I am impressed. You do not follow authority blindly, you ask questions. You also know when following orders is important, no matter what you think. You have shown compassion for another species that you once were. But above all, you've cared for each other like family. Therefore, you have earned the right to wear these symbols of full Discipleship." He handed them to us.

When I put it around my neck, it glowed blue for a brief moment; and I felt lightheaded. "What do these do?"

"When I first came to you I only gave you a few minor Abilities. This pendant will give you others. Which you get are highly dependent on who you are. But it does include the Ability to transform humans if need be." He barked some orders to the ship's crew, who started to make ready to sail. "As for now, it's time for you to meet some humans in their natural habitat. In order to do that I will have to create a kind of pseudo-reality for you."

"What does that mean?" Lana asked, puzzled.

"It's easier to show you rather than tell you... But I need to warn you that I'm not perfect. The implanted persona might be a bit strong to break through if you need to. Bottle knows what to do if that happens." He nodded at his still-smiling Disciple, who hadn't said anything since we got on board. "But this can wait until we get to Southampton. I'll return at that time. For now, enjoy yourselves." Once more, he vanished into thin air.

My name was Sean O'Rourke. I was a riveter originally from Belfast, Ireland who had worked at Harland and Wolff. But due to a disagreement with one of the foremen they fired me and told me never to return. I'd tried once to get back in, but they'd thrown me out bodily, and no other shipbuilding company in Ireland would hire me thereafter.

So I went across the Irish Sea to Wales, having heard through the grapevine about a small company called Cetacan Shipbuilding. A small company that'd been around longer than the town that surrounded it. I could read a little, so I knew what the "est. 1630" on the main building stood for.

As I looked around the place before going to the hiring office I noted that there were only two fitting out basins, and perhaps three gantries from which only one of them had the visible frame of a small cargo steamer abuilding. Fortunately for me, and a few hundred others, one more of those gantries would soon be filled with the skeleton of a ship that I would help build.

The rest of the space looked to be made for the construction of the tall ships known as "windjammers", but that part of the shipyard hadn't seemed to have been used in quite some time.

They didn't ask me about my background other than proof of my experience. It was as simple as that. Work on the steamer Wessex would begin next week, and I was anxious to get started. But first I had to find a boarding house.

It was during this search that I met my first real friends in Wales. A happy-looking man by the name of James Bottleman, an American, and his cousin Emily O'Donnell from Ireland. She and I shared something unusual. Neither of us had picked up the brogue that was a characteristic of the majority of our counrtrymen. We chatted a while, and the three of us found a place to live together.

From underneath Sean, I sat in a corner of my mind. Orca had done a bang-up job when he'd implanted the persona above me. Perhaps he'd done it a bit too well, since it was a struggle to shut it off without damaging it. I could otherwise direct his (my) actions.

Bottle helped Emily and I a lot. But the speed at which the humpback acclimated to her humanity amazed me! "Let me guess," I said one evening, "You've been human more than once."

She smiled and sipped her tea. "About ten times that I can remember. Last time was about fifty years ago..."

That got my attention. "Oh? Where?"

"Somewhere in India, I think. I was some sort of holy man. I'll never fast like that again!" She actually laughed!

Emily was one very odd person, though we did get along well. I just wondered what Lana was doing, since I hadn't seen her in the three weeks I'd been in Gwynedd, the town where the Company was located. I was getting rather concerned, actually. And then one night there was a knock on the door. When I opened I found here standing there in a maid's uniform. I had to stifle a laugh!

She glared at me. "Well? Am I to stand out here all day?" I waved her to come in and went to get her some tea. She sat down heavily in a chair next to my small table. This version of her human form had red hair and was a bit on the plump side. One could say she looked "Motherly", but not to her face. My own human form was similarly homely, actually. So the two of us were invisible, even our outward signs of not being human were muted to a minimum, though they were still present.

She talked about her job working as a maid for a wealty family just outside of town. This was her first chance to get away. "I can only stay a short time, I'm afraid. It's a long walk, and the people I work for aren't noted for their understanding. They have three motor cars!"

Sundays were a time for resting and socializing with the other Disciples-in-training that were employed at Cetacan. Of the two thousand that were employed, only about a hundred were provisional Disciples. Species ranged from rodent to bird to insect to reptile. Inside the pub known as "The Animal House" we were able to assume our hybrid forms and talk about our past human selves, and the problems of overcoming certain non-human behaviors that marked us.

During one of those noisy Sunday nights I decided to see if I could meet the one who designed the Sothesby. I asked one of those who worked in the Drafting and Design Department. Webster, a seagull, looked rather sheepish. "Uh... I don't think that'll happen right now."

I blinked. "Oh? Why?"

"Well... he's always been the suspicious type. There's some humans that are sensitive to what we can do. We've had to tiptoe around this guy ever since we got here. Our teachers said he's been like this ever since he was in some kind of war..."

He was avoiding the issue. "So, when can I meet him?"

"Uh... well... I..."

One of the University's teachers, a tiger, answered me finally. "Webster there hasn't been with us for long. Personally--and I agree with Darius on this account--I think that Gull gives out Abilities that he shouldn't."

"What did he do?" I asked again.

"He changed our Chief Designer into a seagull, then lost him. That happened about ten months ago. We're hoping he returns or that we can find him soon. He's very important to this company."

Considering that everything about the company was legitimate, with no "magical" assistance, I was very impressed with Darius's business prowess. Keeping a company of any kind around for so many years was quite an achievement. The tiger gave me a skeptical look, then smiled. "But I don't think that you'll make the same sort of mistake, right?"

I thought my teeth were sharp! "Right." I gulped down my beer.

I re-learned a lot about humans during those months. The boarding house was filled with people of all kinds. I marveled at the variation of human personalities and temperaments. Sometimes it horrified me, as when Bottle and I discovered one couple beating their children. Something I had no choice but to interfere in.

I'd been through it myself. There was no way I could stand by and let it happen to others. We found them some foster parents in Glasgow that Orca recommended.

Then, one day while I was working hard, I felt some sort of voice in my head. It was Orca. [[I need all of you, my Disciples. Come to me as soon as possible. I will be on the ship.]]

When we arrived the Sothesby left port immediately, and headed westward on a northerly course. Orca was unusually silent throughout the whole trip. It was just the end of January, 1912. It had been an unusually warm winter, and judging by the amount of floating ice already in the water it would be a very touchy spring on the shipping lanes. All of us on board had seen the Olympic on her way eastward. Seeing that ship immediately think of Titanic.

The name had been whispered throughout the shipyard for years. "Unsinkable!" "She could ram ten ships and not sink!" "God Himself couldn't sink that ship!" Were common things said among the workers in the yard.

As Orca told us what was to happen in the next couple months, we knew that Nature had other ideas.

Orca signaled for us all to go into the water, and we followed him, stopping about five hundred lengths from the tip of the glacier, where we all Saw and heard the cracking noise of a enlarging fracture. It was deafening! But all those sounds paled in comparison to the Presence I felt working at that break in the ice. I was cowed by that Presence, for it could only be one being.

Nature had come to take a personal hand in things.

And then there was only the waiting. Orca had asked us to wait with a pod of dolphins near Queestown, just outside the main lanes. In the time that Lana and I spent with them we leaned many things, including how to identify each ship by the sound of the propellers. It was very useful, and kept the both of us from having to get too far into the outgoing lane.

Word reached us on April 3rd that the Titanic was now in Southampton. Only days remained, now.

On that same day word reached me from Orca that the Sothesby had been run aground near Gwynedd. It had actually been done on purpose, though Darius didn't seem to know it. I was worried for Darius, actually. The one time I'd met him since he started the Task he seemed not to remember me. Neither Bottle nor Emily were present at the meeting, either.

But the oddest thing was that the Sothesby seemed to have been converted from a school to some kind of private yacht, and the crew were all real humans that had memories of working on the ship for years. I recognized some of them as humans we called "Acolytes". Those were humans who knew about us, and for one reason or another had been allowed to retain their memories of the Disciples and Guardians. They often did minor Tasks that we couldn't do for one reason or another.

With the Titanic now in port it was only a matter of time. Lana and I started talking about what was going to happen, how to best introduce those that would be changed to their new lives. Naturally, the discussion found its way to Michael, and the worry I still felt. "Do you know what I hate the most? It's not knowing. I feel like it's eating me up. Now I know how a fish feels..." A stray memory of being a salmon crossed my mind. "Literally."

"So you've told me, Henry. But worrying is going to get you nowhere. You'll be alive a long time. Perhaps long enough to encounter him again. You never know."

That was some comfort, at least.

Then we waited more. But not as long as it seemed, for seven days after the ship arrived, at noon on April 10th, the Titanic left port for a destination she would never reach.

Orca had assigned us the Task of providing the ship with an Honor Guard on her way out to sea. Bow Wave Surfing was great fun, and actually took less energy than going the same speed on one's own. The wave at Titanic's bow was the largest I'd ever surfed! But it took a lot of concentration. It didn't help to have a human standing right on the railing and yelling "I'm the king of the world!" at the top of his lungs.

When we felt we'd done as much as honor dictated, we waited for Orca to appear. When he did he appeared with no sense of Presence, and he didn't say a word. He merely wrapped us in his blue glow and we vanished from the seas, reappearing in waters so cold for our current forms we changed back to what we really were instantly. "Wait here," he said, then vanished.

"Well, I guess he's a little preoccupied," Lana said. She looked happy to be back in her natural form. "And frankly, I'm a bit nervous myself."

"I know what you mean," I clicked back. "They should be here in only a few days."

"With all this ice around? Won't they slow down?"

"Not a chance! From what Orca told me about J. Bruce Ismay, he'll get Captain Smith to push for all available speed."

The sunset of Sunday, April 14 was the most beautiful I'd ever seen in my life, and I thought that only Nature herself could've had an actual hand in that display! The water was a flat calm, with no wind or moon to show the bergs that were everywhere. The stars shone more brightly than I'd ever seen in my life. Correction. In all my lives!

How could such a terrible tragedy happen on such a perfect night?

We heard her coming before we saw her. Her triple screws thrashing their way through the water. She was making at least twenty one knots, I judged. And heading straight for the ice field right in her path. "Looks like you were right," Lana said. Then we didn't do anything but watch and wait.

She was perhaps a half mile away. She was lit up like a Roman Candle, and heading right for a berg that I seemed to recognize from last January. A bell was suddenly rung with fervor from the crow's nest, and even from a half mile we heard a panicked voice. "Iceberg! Right ahead!"

She hit, the hull scraping along the berg like a harpoon going into a whale.

We could only watch in horror as the bow sank lower and lower in the water. Lifeboats were launched. White distress rockets flashed above. We heard a band playing ragtime tunes. There was a steady murmur of voices that got louder and louder as the largest moving object yet built by man sank into the cold North Atlantic. We'd taken our hybrid forms in order to watch and listen better, but Lana turned her back once the forecastle submerged. There was a terrible clattering sound under water, so we were unable to return there. We sat on a berg and watched.

The lifeboats were finally gone. The bow took a plunge not long after, and I heard screams from those left on board. People started to leap from the stern and fall into the water, splashing around ineffectually and bringing their "death" more quickly. For within all that death I could feel the Presence of Orca's will. There was an increasing roar as everything not nailed down rushed forward as the stern lifted slowly into the air. Higher, and higher. Until there was such an angle to the deck it was a wonder that the lights were still on. As I thought of this, as if to mock me, they flickered a couple times and plunged us all into darkness.

Then there was a wholly new sound. It was a incredibly loud booming reverberation that sounded like bending metal. Which, of course it was. The Titanic broke in two, dragging down the stern with it at first, but then as I looked below with my Sight, I saw the bow break away and plunge for the bottom. The stern's huge shape was silhouetted against the starlight. It just seemed to hang there, fully vertical, for an eternity.

I watched with an odd sort of detached feeling as the stern sank lower, and lower. Then finally slipped beneath the waves for Eternity. Lana broke into tears. I joined her.

The crying drowned out the roaring noise of the fifteen hundred people in the water. But that sound was less disturbing than the fact that as time went on, it got quieter, and quieter. Finally, there was only silence.

Neither Lana nor I had noticed that we'd been holding each other in a very close embrace during the whole thing. Even when we noticed we still held each other closer. And still, we waited for Orca to give the all clear.

The signal came in the form of Orca's booming voice. "It is time for the Rebirth," he said from not too far away. Lana and I disentangled ourselves from each other, each a little embarrassed at what we were doing in the midst of a tragedy, then started for where we'd heard his voice from. But we didn't reach him before his next words seemed to shake the Sea itself! "AWAKEN, MY ADOPTED CHILDREN! IT IS TIME!"

And so began the work of helping hundreds of people begin new lives as different kinds of whales. Orca would awaken them in groups of about fifty. Lana and I saw little of each other as about ten other Disciples arrived to help us in our work. I briefly caught sight of Darius, who sent me an approving click. My heart swelled with pride. I was doing a good job!

Then there was a particularly difficult case. Orca sent his pulse to the jewelry the man was wearing, who then changed into an orca. But then he started to thrash around and go into some kind of convulsions! "I need help!" I clicked.

To my surprise, one of the other new orcas came to help me! At the first Feel of his Sight, I felt some kind of shock of recognition through my body. I knew this orca! But how? I was forced to push those thoughts out of my mind as the more pressing problem of keeping this man from dying again was more of a problem. Darius appeared out of nowhere, focused on the panicking whale's mind with one of his own Abilities. The orca started to calm. Darius sent a click of acknowledgment. "Good to see you, Mr. Andrews. We have much to talk about."

The now-calm whale said nothing, merely floating dejectedly in the water. Darius turned to the orca that had helped me. "I want to thank you, sir. You seem to be getting used to things rather quickly."

The voice that came out of him was hauntingly familiar. "I'll panic later, I think. I kept myself calm though the whole sinking. I'm not about to start now. I just wish I could remember my name..."

It came to me out of a fog of memory. "Your name is Michael Bates. You're from Rock Falls, Missouri. Born on May 21, 1843."

Darius and the new orca blinked at me, sending short clicks of amazement. Then the new one said, "You know, I believe he's right. Aren't you... Henry?"

We didn't question how we knew. It was just there.

What do you say to somebody whom you haven't seen nor spoke to for fifty years, and for several lives?

You act like you've never been separated.

Darius just stared for a long moment, then left the two of us to figure things out. Though he said he'd need to speak with us later.

My brother surfaced for a breath with the ease of one who had done it all his life. "Please help me with Mr. Andrews, Henry. He and I grew to be quite good friends aboard ship. It pains me to see him like this." He moved his right flipper around, as if amazed. "It'll keep my mind off what's happened to me."

It occurred to me that the nearly catatonic orca floating above us must be Thomas Andrews, the designer of the Titanic! "Perhaps while we're waiting we can trade stories of what's happened to one another in the past fifty years." I realized something. "Nearly fifty years exactly, I might add."

My brother and I surfaced for a breath, and we began a trade off of making sure Andrews kept his blowhole above water.

Michael had his own story to tell.

---

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